[From] Chapter XVIII. The Fast Woman.
THIS pleasant little history of captivity, suffering,
and love, so impressively associated with the wild region
through which we were passing, will be appropriately
followed by the romance of an unprotected American female
whom we found at the old Mission of Cocospera. All along
the road we heard vague rumors of the adventures and
exploits of this remarkable woman, who seemed to be
ubiquitous, and to possess at least a dozen different
names. Even the Mexicans, when they spoke of her, did so
with a smile and a shrug of the shoulders, as much as to
say she was "some" even in that country. A party of
Americans whom we met at Imuriz, on their way from
Hermosillo, prepared us to expect at Cocospera a valuable
addition to our transport. They hinted at "a whole team"
that was awaiting our arrival there, but warned us to be
careful how we undertook to harness that team, as it was
rather disposed to kick and bite. I must confess it was
with considerable trepidation that I set out from our camp
in the valley to make a sketch of the old Mission.
A more desolate-looking place than Cocospera does not
perhaps exist in Sonora. A few Mexican and Indian huts,
huddled around a ruinous old church, with a ghostly
population of Greasers, Yaqui Indians, skeleton dogs, and
seedy sheep, is all that attracts the eye of a stranger
under the best circumstances. Yet here lives the
father-in-law of Pesquiera, Governor of Sonora--a poor old
man, with a half-Indian family of children, of whom
Pesquiera's wife is one. At the date of our visit the
Apaches had just cleaned out the community of nearly all
the cattle and sheep it possessed, killed one man, and
filled the souls of the remainder with fear and
tribulation, so that the place presented a very depressed
appearance. To this there was but one exception--that of
our heroine, the unprotected American female. I found her
sittïng upon a pile of adobes outside a dilapidated
Mexican hovel, humming over in a lively strain some popular
ditty of the times. Poston seemed disposed to evade the
responsibility of his position as commander-in-chief of the
party by introducing me to her as a gentleman of a literary
turn, who had taken a lively interest in her history. She
immediately arose and grasped me by the hand; I was just
the man she was looking for. By the way, hadn't she seen me
in Frisco? My countenance was familiar. Didn't I keep bar
on Dupont Street? No? Well, by jingo! that was funny. She
was very glad we had come, anyhow; shook us by the hand
again very cordially; had been expecting us for several
days; wanted to make tracks from Cocospera as soon as
possible; was getting tired of the society; good enough
people in their way, but had no snap about them. So liked
people with snap. These Mexicans were dead-alive sort of
cusses. The men had no grit and the women no jingle.
Thought, upon the whole, Cocospera was played out, and
would prefer going to Santa Cruz. She claimed to be a
native of Georgia, and was strong on Southern rights. Said
she had prospected awhile in Australia, and bobbed around
Frisco for the last few years. Got tired of civilization,
and came down in the steamer to Guyamas last July in
company with "a friend," who left her at Magdalena. Another
"friend" brought her up here and went "a prospecting." She
had claims, and expected they would turn out rich; but,
hang it all, she didn't care a cuss about the mines. The
excitement pleased her; it was so jolly to be knockin'
around among the Apaches! Wouldn't she like to skelp some
of 'em; you bet she'd make forked meat of their ears if she
once got a show at 'em! She didn't speak Spanish; had been
eight days at this infernal place among a set of scallywags
who didn't understand her lingo. Was about ready to change
her location; didn't care a flip where it was, so there was
fiddles around the premises. Was a photographer by
profession; that was played out; dull work; didn't pay.
Hadn't any instruments at present, and wouldn't photograph
scallywags anyhow. Heigh-ho! Rickety Jo! Great country
this!
Such was the style of address of this astounding female.
She was sharp, thin, and energetic, not very old, and
comparatively good-looking. After she had shown us around
the town, making various sparkling comments upon the
natives and their style of living, she ushered us into the
church, smiling contemptuously at the sacred daubs on the
walls.
"Look-a-here!" said she, mounting a pile of rubbish
and hauling out a couple of grinning skulls from an alcove;
"that's what we're all coming to. Them's monks. Don't they
look jolly?"
I must confess I was a little shocked at her levity,
and mumbled over something about the dust of the dead.
"Bosh!" cried the lively female; "what's the odds, so
long as we're happy! Your skull and mine, and the skulls of
a dozen more of us, may be foot-balls for the Apaches
before a week."
I turned away and signalized Poston that we had better
retire to camp. In the evening we had the honor of a visit
from our fast friend. She stepped with a grand swagger into
camp, nodded familiarly to the soldiers, and said, "Them's
the boys I like to see."
Poston's buffalo-robe was spread on the ground close
by our ambulance. Without the least hesitation she took
possession of it, merely observing, "I like this. It suits
me. A fellow can sleep like a top in such a bed as
this!"
From time to time, as she gave us the benefit of her
ideas touching the world and things generally, she laughed
heartily at the figure she would cut in society, sunburnt,
freckled, and dressed as she was; and varied the interest
of the occasion by singing a few popular songs, and reading
choice selections of poetry from a book which she pulled
out of a satchel belonging to one of the party.
Having thus cast a glow of inspiration over the
younger members of our command, she suddenly jumped up
exclaiming, "hurrah, boys! Let's stir up the town! Who's
got a fiddle? By jingo, we'll have a fandango!"
Nobody had a fiddle, but there was a guitar in camp,
and it was not long before the fandango was under a full
head of steam. Greasers, Yaqui Indians, soldiers, and
senoritas were at it full tilt, amid all the noise and din
and horrible confusion of a genuine Spanish baile.
The fast woman jumped and capered and pirouetted in a style
that brought down the house; and it was long after midnight
when our part of the company began to straggle into
camp.
As there was no room in the ambulance even for so
entertaining a companion, the proposition to transport her
to some point of greater security on American soil was
submitted to our gallant young Lieutenant, commander of the
escort. The question was debated in camp, Was an American
woman to be left by an American party in the midst of an
Apache country? Had her character any thing to do with the
question of humanity or the duty of placing her at some
point where her life would be secure? Of course not. Go she
must and go she did, in the baggage-wagon. All along the
road, in the wildest and most dangerous places, she popped
her head out at intervals to see how things in general were
flourishing; twitted the "boys" on their style of riding;
sang snatches of Opera, and was especially great on ballads
for the multitude.
"'When this cruel was is over,'"
she would scream at the top of her voice, "You bet I'll
go to Frisco, a kiting, a kiting,
"'As the swallows homeward fly.'"
Thus she entertained us, and thus she clung to us;
taking a grip upon our unfortunate Lieutenant that seemed
likely to oblïterate him from the face of the earth.
She jolted and jogged along in the baggage-wagon to Santa
Cruz, and didn't like the place; she rattled on to the San
Antonio ranch, and didn't yearn to stay there; she jingled
away to Tubac, and considered it too infernally dull for a
coyote or a wild-cat. In fact, she rather enjoyed sloshing
around, and manifested a desire to accompany our expedition
throughout the entire range of our travels. It was
abundantly evident to us all that she was inspired with a
romantic attachment for our gallant Lieutenant. The shafts
of Cupid began to shoot from her glittering eyes, and their
fatal influence became fearfully perceptible. He grew pale
and weary; was fretful and impatient; and seemed like a man
burdened with heavy cares. After a week or so it became
necessary to send the wagon down to Tucson for a fresh
supply of provisions. The Lieutenant brightened up; a happy
thought struck him; he would shuffle off this incubus that
hung upon him like a millstone. What excuse he made I never
could learn, but he packed up our enterprising female,
addressed a note to the officer in command at Tucson,
stating the causes which had induced him to give her
transportation, and sent her to that tropical region, which
she thought would be congenial to her tastes. The last I
heard of her she was enjoying the hospitality of our
vaquero.
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