Mayo's Pudd'nhead Wilson: Prologue

" P U D D ' N H E A D W I L S O N "
PROLOGUE.

SCENE:

Quartette sing at rise. The yard of York Driscoll's house at Dawson's Landing. A two story house R. with veranda and balcony, steps leading to balcony, and door in R.2.E. On the L. slave quarters, with small practical window facing audience, and door L.2.E.
A neat paling fence extends diagonally from R.3. to L.2.E. At back of fence as if on other side of road a two story set house, with door obliquely set in the R. corner of the house. Over this door a swinging crane with sign reading "David Wilson, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Surveying, Conveyancing, etc." A window over this door to open in and back by interior. Another door in C. of this house, opening off backed by hallway. Trees at both sides of gateway. A drop showing landscape (in southern Missouri) on the Mississippi River. A spring of running water in trough L.3.E. Two rustic chairs and table R. in front of steps. Bench L. The foliage is of medium growth – that is, it may show advance in Act I.

MUSIC NO. 1. Lively Southern Music.

DISCOVERED: Enter at rise R.U.E. York Driscoll and Howard Pembroke.

Driscoll (Going to steps, calling off R.2.E.)
Hya'r Jasper! Roxy! Whar you all at?
(Howard goes to R. of table R.H., sits, takes off gloves)

(Enter Jasper L.2.E.)
Jasper (L.)
Hyar I is, Missa York.
(MUSIC STOPS)

Driscoll (X E.C. Turning)
Ah! Jasper, tell Roxy –
(Jasper starts to exit R. in house)
– to fetch us a couple of sangarees.
(Goes to table R. – L. of it)

Jasper Yer, Marse.
(Going to steps R.2.E.)

Driscoll (R.)
And Jasper, be sure she makes them.

Jasper Yer, Mars.
(Exit R.2.E.)

Driscoll (Drawing off gloves)
Howard Pembroke, you see before you, sah, a perfectly happy man. I have been mightily perplexed for a long time, but now the last dollar is paid, and this estate is as free from encumbrance as the day my poor dead brother paid his cash for it.
(Sits at table R. – L. of it)

Howard (R.)
So I reckon now, your interest will keep you here in Missouri for a time.

Driscoll Yes, but my heart will always be in old Virginia.
(Shakes hands )
The dear old dominion! Missouri is a fine state, sah, but it is not Virginia, but now you have settled here at Dawson, I shall not feel so quite alone.

Howard I reckon it will help us both bear our exile, York.

Driscoll And that project we have so often discussed, I reckon we can see our way clear to now.

Howard (Settling and stretching out legs)
You mean the establishment of a law practice here at Dawson?

Driscoll Precisely.

Howard (Laughs bitterly)

Driscoll (Rises)
I beg your pardon, Pembroke. If you think I am too sanguine –

Howard (Rises)
No! I assure you I was not laughing at that –
(Offers seat to York)
– but while you were speaking I could not help but thinking of our neighbor, Wilson, "Pudd'nhead," as the boys about hyar call him. Ha, ha, ha!
(Both laugh and sit)

Driscoll Now what brought him to your mind? I trust, sah, nothing I have said, for it is my impression that young man is not altogether right in his mind, hey?

Howard I reckon there's a crack somewhere. No, I was recalling his experience. He came hyar from York State, two years ago to practice law, says he hasn't had a case yet.

Driscoll Well – now – I don't reckon we class ourselves with Dave Wilson! And I don't apprehend his failure will influence you.

Howard Oh, not in the least – but –

(Enter Roxy R.2.E. with salver and 2 sangerees, cross to back of table R.)

Driscoll (Laughing)
A fellow that don't know the difference between a whole dog and a half dog –

(Howard laughs, then stops. Driscoll laughs, then stops. Shake hands. The two men keep up interchanges of laughter in a sort of "mutual admiration" as Roxy places salver with glasses on table unseen by them)

Roxy (Behind the table )
Sang'rees, Marse York.

Driscoll (don't look at Roxy)
Oh, yes –

Howard Good morning, Roxy –

Roxy Morning, Marse Pembroke.

(Roxy is about twenty years old, looking more like a Spanish girl, than a negress. She has a lazy, languid Creole manner, always exhibiting a good natured jauntiness with an unconscious familiarity with everybody)

Driscoll Did you make these yourself, Roxy?

Roxy 'Deed yes, Marse York.

Driscoll (To Howard)
No one can make a sangaree like Roxy –
(Turns and sees her for the first time. Drinks)
Why, how pretty you look this morning.

Roxy Done dress for de chris'nin –

Driscoll By Gad! Yes! I mustn't forget that – my nephew is to be christened this morning. Thomas A Becket Driscoll, after his dead father.

Howard And when are you going to name your boy Roxy?

Roxy Don do dat a'ready, sah. Marse Wilson he done chris'n him.

(Howard and Driscoll laugh)

Driscoll Oh, Wilson's his god-father, eh?

Howard What's his name?

Roxy Mighty handsome one, I reckon – least sounds dat way to me.

Driscoll What is it, Roxy?

Roxy He don call him Valet de Chambers.

(Howard and Driscoll laugh heartily – she saunters down C.)

Howard Not altogether inappropriate, if, as you say, York, he is to grow up to attend on his young master. Both born on the same day, I believe?

Driscoll Yes, and a sad day it was; for it pleased Heaven at that time to take away my poor dear sister-in-law.

Howard So Roxy, you have had the care of him as well as your own boy hey?

Roxy Yes, Marse Pembroke.

Driscoll A mighty fine pair of boys they are too.

Roxy Ha, ha, ha!

Driscoll (Turning quickly around to Roxy)
What are you laughing at, Roxy?

Roxy I don't reckon you done see 'em more'n once or free time – ha, ha, ha!

Driscoll That's so! And do you know, Howard, I can't tell the youngsters apart, scarcely – except by their clothes – ha, ha, ha!

(MUSIC NO. 3)
Howard I reckon you can, Roxy, hey?

Roxy Golly! Yes – I tell 'em in de dark – 'specially dat Valet de Chambers when he let out one of deem yells of his'n.

(Howard laughs)

Driscoll Is he more troublesome than his young master?

Roxy No, not troublesome 'exactly, jes' kin'er discontented like, jes' if he wanted to have his own way – now, while he kin – may 'blong to some 'un else bime-by, don't done make so much noise den.

Driscoll (Rises)
Someone else? Haven't I told you he would never belong to any one but me?

Roxy Das so, and God bless you, Marse York.

(He sits)
(As if she means to throw her arms about York, who quickly drops his handkerchief and in doing so makes a sign to her. She picks up the handkerchief, gives it to him and continues talking)

But t'ings are mighty unsartin' in this world. I 'member dose times two years ago when most of owners 'bout here lose all de niggers. Dar was ole Squire Blake, he lose everything, nigger, plantation and all. You 'member his yaller girl Susan, his only chile too – they say she was. He thought a heap of dat gal, but she sold, and sold down the river. Den deer was ole Squire Swan. Everyone of his hands go. You 'member what happened to his girl Caroline, and her two children. Dey was too young to be took from the mother, so they all sell in a lump, and on de way down de river she took her two children in her arms and made their grave and hers in the Mississippi. Dis fam'ly mighty near gwine dat time. Would I reckon if it hadn't been for you, Marse York. I don't reckon your brother ever die if hadn't been for does troubles. I don't reckon Marse Swan or Marse Blake ever count on den things happening.

Driscoll (Rises)
Well, Roxy, give yourself no uneasiness about your boy. His future shall be my care. What time does the christening take place, Roxy?

Roxy Eleven o'clock, I hear say, sir.
(X of L.C.)

Howard (Looking at his watch, to Driscoll, as he goes to house R.)
Well, as I'm to act as God-father –
(Going up steps R.2.E.)

Driscoll (Going R.2.E.)
We had better be preparing for the church. Baby all ready Roxy?

Roxy (Slowly up C.)
'Cept putting on his frock. Golly, don't reckon he'd have much frock left for the christening if I put it on yet, ha, ha, ha!

Driscoll Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Exit R.2.E.)

Driscoll Don't you give yourself no uneasiness about the boy.

Roxy (R.C.)
Don't give myself any uneasiness. Can't help it sometimes when I get thinking. 'Sperience mighty frightening. 'Member on'y year whole batch niggers sold down the river. Jus' cause some stealing done been doing! Ha, ha, ha. Mighty near gwine myself dat time. Would I reckon if it hadn't been for you, Marse York. Sometimes I wake up in the night when I dream deys gwine to sell my boy down de river. Den I start up and I feel and I feel and I find him deer, but I don't done sleep no more dat night. don't give myself any uneasiness. I don't t'ink I can stand it if I dream dar way much more. I do something sure. I rather be dead nigger dan sold down de river and my boy too.

(She now takes up salver with glasses on it, and goes to [?] of steps R.2.E.)
(Swan, Campbell and Blake laugh outside R.U.E. She [?] up to fence, C. and looking off R)

What's dat? Is dey comin' to de christenin' arready.

(MUSIC [?])
(Looks off R.U.E.)
(Wilson heard off R.U.E.)

Wilson Now boys, boys, boys!

Roxy No it's Marse Puddn'head, and ha, ha, ha! I wonder what dey call him dat for? He mighty looney 'bout some tings – but got a heap of sense 'bout doers dough –
(Feeble cry of child off R.2.E.)
Hush – Honey, I'se common' to you –
(Exit in house)

(Baby cry)
(Enter Blake, Swan and Campbell R.U.E. followed by Wilson. All come down stage to C. All laugh. Wilson carries a small box about 6 inches long and 4 inches wide, opening at top. He carries this box in satchel over shoulder. Throughout all this Wilson has taken the glasses one by one and is looking at them against the light)

Wilson Got a nice collection this morning.

Blake How many?

Wilson Oh, about twenty!

Blake (All close up to him)
What a cranky idea. What are you doing with them things?

Wilson Study them.

Blake, Swan and Campbell Study them!

Wilson Yes. There is a history in every one of these thumb marks, and I am getting so I can read them like a chart.

(All laugh and look at their thumbs)

Blake What is to read in them things?

Wilson Character. I dare say you have heard even here in your benighted midst that there are no two things precisely alike in this world. Well, the same truth applies to thumb marks. Every man, woman and child carries his individual mark from the cradle to the grave and that mark is there on the bowl of the thumb.

(They all look at one another and wink knowingly)

Swan Pudd'nhead, I am afraid you are neglectin' your profession.

Wilson I am afraid my profession is neglecting me. Been here two years now –
(All laugh)

Blake Ain't had a case yet, have you?
(Laughs)

Wilson Not yet, but I hope to before I die.
(All laugh and walk up stage R.3. to gate. Wilson X C.)

Blake I reckon that dog story settled you, Dave.

Wilson (Down L.)
I reckon that has prejudiced my chances some, but I hope to outlive that. Say boys, don't forget the funeral.

Blake, Swan and Campbell The what?

Wilson I mean the christening.

Blake, Swan and Campbell Oh!

(All exclaim, laugh, point to Wilson and run off R.3.E.)
(Wilson X up C. looking after them)
(Enter Roxy R. from house and X down L. Turns carriage to face up stage. In this carriage are two babies, four months old (dummies). Wilson turns and sees Roxy)

Wilson (Comes down C.)
Hello, Roxy. How does that baby of yours come on? That name had any bad effect yet?

Roxy (L.)
Mornin' Mars Wilson.

Wilson Morning Roxy.
(Looking at babies)
How old are they?

Roxy (L.)
Jus' four mons apiece, sah.

Wilson Handsome little chaps. One just as handsome as the other, too!

Roxy Dat powerful nice o' you to say dat, sah, 'siderin' one o' 'em ain't only a nigger.

Wilson (C.)
How you manage to tell them apart?

Roxy (L. Delightedly)
Can't you tell which is which, really now?

Wilson You have them dressed so nearly alike this morning –

(BELLS READY)
Roxy Das on'y fo' de chris'nin, sah.

Wilson Ain't going to re-christen your little angel, are you?

Roxy (Sadly)
Golly no. Niggers don't joy dat privilege.

Wilson (Pointing to one baby)
Oh! Is this –

Roxy (Proudly)
Yes! dat's him. Dat's de young master.

Wilson I thought so by the collar around his neck.
(Wilson has taken out his glasses)
Roxy, I am going to have the babies' thumb marks.

(Roxy looks at him, then at glasses, laughs)
(Wilson places child's thumb against it. Roxy watches him interestedly)

Wilson (Writing on the glass and speaking as he writes)
Thomas A. Becket Driscoll, May 19th, 1836.
(Wilson starts to take thumb of the other child)

Roxy (Quickly)
For de Lors sake don't wake him, Marse Wilson.

Wilson I won't, Roxy!
(Labeling second thumb mark X C.)
Valey de Chambers, May 19, 1836. How old did you say, Roxy, four months?
(Going up steps to his house up L.)

Roxy Yes, sir.
(Suddenly X up C.)
Say, what you do dat for? No hoodoo, hey?

Wilson (At B.F.L.)
Oh no, may bring him luck some day. Thank you, Roxy, thank you.
(Exit B.L.F. in his house L.U.)

Roxy (Looking after him and coming down R. of carriage)
Wonder if he really crazy? Mighty nice man dough, if he is from de North. Ha, ha, ha.
(Looking at babies)
Couldn't tell which was which do, 'cept by de coral. I wonder how my baby looked wid dat on!
(Looks around to see if anyone is about, then takes coral off,
hides it behind her, slowly brings it out and looks at it.
Puts it on the other child, and takes a view of them)
Won'er how my boy do if he a gentlemen –
(Looking at Tom)
Won'er how you do if you slave, like my boy – Yo' no whiter'n he is.
(Sadly)
(DISTANT CHURCH BELLS RING)
Dey's ringing' de bells fo' you, honey. Don't do dat for my baby!
(Half fiercely)
Why not? Yo' his child –
(Pointing to R.2.E.)
Marse York Driscoll yo' father – but they don' ring no bells fo' you, honey – yo's on' a slave! A common ornerary nigger! ads all.

(Sits L. on bench near slave quarters, pushing carriage to and fro)
(Enter Patsy L. upper from Wilson house. Patsy is very near-sighted with gold rim glasses)

(BELLS CONTINUE)

Patsy (Entering D.U.L.E. Come through gate)
There!
(Points off and calling in at door)
Dave Wilson, do you hear dose bells?
(Coming down L.C.)
I just knew that brother of mine would be late. Men always wait until the very last minute. But there's no use talking to him. He just wears my patience.
(CHURCH BELLS RING)
(Patsy is fussy and bustling in her talk and actions. She
comes down and almost runs over the carriage)
Oh! Bless me!
(Looking into the baby carriage)
There you are – Oh! you dear little – little –
(Looks from one to the other)
Which is he?

Roxy (L. on bench)
Bofe.
(Enter Wilson D. L. U. E. remains on steps with Sunday coat and hat on)

Patsy (C.)
No, I mean which is the one that is to be christened?

Wilson (L.U. on steps)
The one with the coral about his neck, Patsy.
(Roxy starts, but still sits L.)

(Omnes enter R.U.E. Friends etc. Blake, Campbell, Swan and others – all C.)

Roxy Golly, I forgot dat coral.
(Laughs)

(Patsy takes child from carriage)
(Enter Driscoll and Howard R.2.E. house)

Driscoll (On steps R.)
Ah! Welcome friends, now if you will kindly proceed with us to the church. Everything is in readiness, I believe. Where is the baby, Roxy?

(MUSIC CHANGES TO NO. 6 TILL CURTAIN)

Patsy I have the little darling here.
(Roxy starts to interfere)
No, I'm to carry him to church, ain't I, York?

Driscoll (Comes down steps to R.C.)
Yes, Patsy –
(To slaves)
– and you, my people, this shall be a holiday for you all. And Jasper, I leave it with you to make them as happy as their Master is to-day.

(CHURCH BELLS RING TILL CURTAIN)

(All form in procession and exit R.U.E. York, Howard and Patsy in lead off R.U. Wilson last of the whites, then slaves follow off R.U. The guests talking and laughing. Slaves exclaiming "Lor bless the young Massa," etc. When Patsy made the mistake in the children, Roxy rather enjoyed it. No thought of carrying out the deception entered her mind until now. She remains face front as if in a trance. The church bells have been ringing at intervals from the first, and keep up till curtain)
(Roxy recovers, and runs up to gate C.)

(Quartette R.E.)
(WARNING)

Roxy No! No! I was only jus' fooling!
(Comes down C. and looks in carriage)
I – I – Now who believe just clothes do a ting like dat?
(Hurries to gate C. looks off R.U.E. looks back at carriage, then in a jaunty manner comes down again and looks in carriage)
I didn't do dat, Miss Patsy she do dat. I jus' sleep dar jus' dose for a minute – dats what I tell 'em – when dey find out. But – if – dey – don't find out'. Den I'se sorry for you. God knows I is.
(Looking at child in carriage)
(Looking up)
But dars no Marse kin sell my boy down de river now! If dey don't find out!
(Wheeling carriage slowly up stage to C.)

(Colored singers at opening of Prologue – Chorus)

– C U R T A I N –