A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Twain, Mark, pseud.; (Samuel Langhorne Clemens):
Chapter 8
THE BOSS
TO be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to
have the on-looking world consent to it is a finer. The tower
episode solidified my power, and made it impregnable. If any
were perchance disposed to be jealous and critical before that,
they experienced a change of heart, now. There was not any one
in the kingdom who would have considered it good judgment to
meddle with my matters.
I was fast getting adjusted to my situation and
circumstances. For a time, I used to wake up, mornings, and
smile at my "dream," and listen for the Colt's factory whistle;
but that sort of thing played itself out, gradually, and at
last I was fully able to realize that I was actually living in
the sixth century, and in Arthur's court, not a lunatic asylum.
After that, I was just as much at home in that century as I
could have been in any other; and as for preference, I wouldn't
have traded it for the twentieth. Look at the opportunities
here for a man of knowledge, brains, pluck, and enterprise to
sail in and grow up with the country. The grandest field that
ever was; and all my own; not a competitor; not a man who
wasn't a baby to me in acquirements and capacities; whereas,
what would I amount to in the twentieth century?
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I should be foreman of a factory, that is about all; and could
drag a seine down street any day and catch a hundred better men
than myself.
What a jump I had made! I couldn't
keep from thinking about it, and contemplating it, just as one
does who has struck oil. There was nothing back of me that
could approach it, unless it might be Joseph's case; and
Joseph's only approached it, it didn't equal it, quite. For it
stands to reason that as Joseph's splendid financial
ingenuities advantaged nobody but the king, the general public
must have regarded him with a good deal of disfavor, whereas I
had done my entire public a kindness in sparing the sun, and
was popular by reason of it.
I was no shadow of a king; I was the substance; the king
himself was the shadow. My power was colossal; and it was not a
mere name, as such things have generally been, it was the
genuine article. I stood here, at the very spring and source of
the second great period of the world's history; and could see
the trickling stream of that history gather and deepen and
broaden, and roll its mighty tides down the far centuries; and
I could note the upspringing of adventurers like myself in the
shelter of its long array of thrones: De Montforts, Gavestons,
Mortimers, Villierses; the war-making, campaign-directing
wantons of France, and Charles the Second's scepter-wielding
drabs; but nowhere in the procession was my full-sized fellow
visible. I was a Unique; and glad to know that that fact could
not be dislodged or challenged for thirteen centuries and a
half, for sure. Yes, in power I was equal to the king. At the
same time there was another power that was a trifle
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stronger than both of us put together. That was the Church. I
do not wish to disguise that fact. I couldn't, if I wanted to.
But never mind about that, now; it will show up, in its proper
place, later on. It didn't cause me any trouble in the
beginning -- at least any of consequence.
Well, it was a curious country, and
full of interest. And the people! They were the quaintest and
simplest and trustingest race; why, they were nothing but
rabbits. It was pitiful for a person born in a wholesome free
atmosphere to listen to their humble and hearty outpourings of
loyalty toward their king and Church and nobility; as if they
had any more occasion to love and honor king and Church and
noble than a slave has to love and honor the lash, or a dog has
to love and honor the stranger that kicks him! Why, dear me,
ANY kind of royalty, howsoever modified, ANY kind of
aristocracy, howsoever pruned, is rightly an insult; but if you
are born and brought up under that sort of arrangement you
probably never find it out for yourself, and don't believe it
when somebody else tells you. It is enough to make a body
ashamed of his race to think of the sort of froth that has
always occupied its thrones without shadow of right or reason,
and the seventh-rate people that have always figured as its
aristocracies -- a company of monarchs and nobles who, as a
rule, would have achieved only poverty and obscurity if left,
like their betters, to their own exertions.
The most of King Arthur's British nation were slaves, pure
and simple, and bore that name, and wore the iron collar on
their necks; and the rest were slaves in fact, but without the
name; they imagined themselves
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men and freemen, and called themselves so. The truth was, the
nation as a body was in the world for one object, and one only:
to grovel before king and Church and noble; to slave for them,
sweat blood for them, starve that they might be fed, work that
they might play, drink misery to the dregs that they might be
happy, go naked that they might wear silks and jewels, pay
taxes that they might be spared from paying them, be familiar
all their lives with the degrading language and postures of
adulation that they might walk in pride and think themselves
the gods of this world. And for all this, the thanks they got
were cuffs and contempt; and so poor-spirited were they that
they took even this sort of attention as an honor.
Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to
observe and examine. I had mine, the king and his people had
theirs. In both cases they flowed in ruts worn deep by time and
habit, and the man who should have proposed to divert them by
reason and argument would have had a long contract on his
hands. For instance, those people had inherited the idea that
all men without title and a long pedigree, whether they had
great natural gifts and acquirements or hadn't, were creatures
of no more consideration than so many animals, bugs, insects;
whereas I had inherited the idea that human daws who can
consent to masquerade in the peacock-shams of inherited
dignities and unearned titles, are of no good but to be laughed
at. The way I was looked upon was odd, but it was natural. You
know how the keeper and the public regard the elephant in the
menagerie: well, that is the idea. They are full of admiration
of his vast bulk and his prodigious strength; they speak
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with pride of the fact that he can do a hundred marvels which
are far and away beyond their own powers; and they speak with
the same pride of the fact that in his wrath he is able to
drive a thousand men before him. But does that make him one of
THEM? No; the raggedest tramp in the pit would smile at the
idea. He couldn't comprehend it; couldn't take it in; couldn't
in any remote way conceive of it. Well, to the king, the
nobles, and all the nation, down to the very slaves and tramps,
I was just that kind of an elephant, and nothing more. I was
admired, also feared; but it was as an animal is admired and
feared. The animal is not reverenced, neither was I; I was not
even respected. I had no pedigree, no inherited title; so in
the king's and nobles' eyes I was mere dirt; the people
regarded me with wonder and awe, but there was no reverence
mixed with it; through the force of inherited ideas they were
not able to conceive of anything being entitled to that except
pedigree and lordship. There you see the hand of that awful
power, the Roman Catholic Church. In two or three little
centuries it had converted a nation of men to a nation of
worms. Before the day of the Church's supremacy in the world,
men were men, and held their heads up, and had a man's pride
and spirit and independence; and what of greatness and position
a person got, he got mainly by achievement, not by birth. But
then the Church came to the front, with an axe to grind; and
she was wise, subtle, and knew more than one way to skin a cat
-- or a nation; she invented "divine right of kings," and
propped it all around, brick by brick, with the Beatitudes --
wrenching them from their good purpose
Inherited ideas are a curious thing
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to make them fortify an evil one; she preached (to the
commoner) humility, obedience to superiors, the beauty of
self-sacrifice; she preached (to the commoner) meekness under
insult; preached (still to the commoner, always to the
commoner) patience, meanness of spirit, non-resistance under
oppression; and she introduced heritable ranks and
aristocracies, and taught all the Christian populations of
the earth to bow down to them and worship them. Even down to
my birth-century that poison was still in the blood of
Christendom, and the best of English commoners was still
content to see his inferiors impudently continuing to hold a
number of positions, such as lordships and the throne, to
which the grotesque laws of his country did not allow him to
aspire; in fact, he was not merely contented with this
strange condition of things, he was even able to persuade
himself that he was proud of it. It seems to show that there
isn't anything you can't stand, if you are only born and bred
to it. Of course that taint, that reverence for rank and
title, had been in our American blood, too -- I know that;
but when I left America it had disappeared -- at least to all
intents and purposes. The remnant of it was restricted to the
dudes and dudesses. When a disease has worked its way down to
that level, it may fairly be said to be out of the system.
But to return to my anomalous position in King Arthur's
kingdom. Here I was, a giant among pigmies, a man among
children, a master intelligence among intellectual moles: by
all rational measurement the one and only actually great man
in that whole British world; and yet there and then, just as
in the remote England of my birth-time, the sheep-witted
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earl who could claim long descent from a king's leman,
acquired at second-hand from the slums of London, was a
better man than I was. Such a personage was fawned upon in
Arthur's realm and reverently looked up to by everybody, even
though his dispositions were as mean as his intelligence, and
his morals as base as his lineage. There were times when HE
could sit down in the king's presence, but I couldn't. I
could have got a title easily enough, and that would have
raised me a large step in everybody's eyes; even in the
king's, the giver of it. But I didn't ask for it; and I
declined it when it was offered. I couldn't have enjoyed such
a thing with my notions; and it wouldn't have been fair,
anyway, because as far back as I could go, our tribe had
always been short of the bar sinister. I couldn't have felt
really and satisfactorily fine and proud and set-up over any
title except one that should come from the nation itself, the
only legitimate source; and such an one I hoped to win; and
in the course of years of honest and honorable endeavor, I
did win it and did wear it with a high and clean pride. This
title fell casually from the lips of a blacksmith, one day,
in a village, was caught up as a happy thought and tossed
from mouth to mouth with a laugh and an affirmative vote; in
ten days it had swept the kingdom, and was become as familiar
as the king's name. I was never known by any other
designation afterward, whether in the nation's talk or in
grave debate upon matters of state at the council-board of
the sovereign. This title, translated into modern speech,
would be THE BOSS. Elected by the nation. That suited me. And
it was a pretty high title. There were very few THE'S, and I
was one of
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them. If you spoke of the duke, or the earl, or the bishop,
how could anybody tell which one you meant? But if you spoke
of The King or The Queen or The Boss, it was different.
Well, I liked the king, and as king I respected him
-- respected the office; at least respected it as much as I
was capable of respecting any unearned supremacy; but as
men I looked down upon him and his nobles --
privately. And he and they liked me, and respected my office;
but as an animal, without birth or sham title, they looked
down upon me -- and were not particularly private about it,
either. I didn't charge for my opinion about them, and they
didn't charge for their opinion about me: the account was
square, the books balanced, everybody was satisfied.
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